Suicidal Thoughts Of A "WOULD-BE-DEAD"

Sometimes we even finish... Nakakalungkot isipin na parang hanging dumaan lamang ang naging relasyon natin. Tila ba ilang dekada na ang nakaraan nang huling hawakan ko ang iyong kamay na may bahid ng pagmamahal. Naisang tabi na nga ba ang mga pinagsamahan na noo'y maliligayang ala-ala subalit ngayo'y ikinahon at pinagpatong-patong at ibinalandra sa pinaka maruming sulok ng ating mga gunita. Naaalala ko pa ang una nating pagkikita, hindi ako makababa sa sasakyan sa matinding kaba na baka madismaya ka, iyon din pala ang iyong nadarama. Malaki ang naging tulong ng teknolohiya sa pag kukrus ng ating mga landas. Marahil mababaw, naging malalim naman ang pundasyon ng ating relasyon. Sino nga ba ang mag aakala na tatlong taon din ang itatagal ng ating pagsasama. Marahil maiksi subalit nawa'y naging makabukuhan sa'yo at napasaya kita kahit papaano Hindi ko na rin naman hinahanap ang lambing at yakap mo, 'di gaya ng dati na sa gabi ay yakap at hinahagkan ang unan ko, umaasan...

Wilson: "You can be a real jerk sometimes, you know that?" House: "Yeah. And you're the good guy." Wilson: "At least I try." House: "As long as you're trying to be good, you can do whatever you want." Wilson: "And as long as you're not trying, you can say whatever you want." House: "So between us, we can do anything. We can rule the world!"

WILSON:"House, will you stop acting like a six year old and start facing your problem like most adults do..." Honestly, as if I give a damn! My life is my own business, you have your life so mind your own. And here's the thing, the main reason why you keep on dragging your ass over to my house is because of WHO I AM and WHAT I DO so why whould I change it? Not unless I want to lose the only man that I love/d except for my dad. I know I'm an ass with a capital "A" and I also know that you dig it, in fact, you love it. And do you know the reason why? It's because you see me in you, you see me as what's lacking in you, you try to learn the trade, you try to master the craft and yes, you can imitate me, you can learn the accent and the punchlines and everything but you will be nothing but a second-rate me. A junior "ME" so to speak, but that's who you are, as I've said you're like water, you get the shape of your container and I am ...

CLOUDS;Sunday; August 2, 2009; Around 3AM You don't want to read this story, honestly, you may want to just update your Facebook or check your mail or watch YouTube or something. This story is full of crap, oodles of it. So while you still have the time, go to google and just search for you name, or your crush's name of whoever, just stay away from this blog. Truth told, why would you be interested in my life? In the events that occured last August second? I'm telling you now, nothing special really... Nothing that would tickle your fancy... Nothing worth mentioning... Just the time of my life... So there I was, at the back, right side of my bloody bestfriend's SUV, window open, a stick of Marlboro Lights dangling, embers being carried away by the wind like a shooting star. We were going down at a steady rate of 80kph, maybe less, and the cool breeze of Antipolo was slowly taking away the pain, the doubts, the worries and the heartaches and it leaves no trail. I sort of...

Heto na naman ako, isa na namang maalikabok na gabi kung saan iniikot ko ang paligid ng gusali, naghahanap ng mga bagay na hindi naman talaga dapat hinahanap. Pilit ko paring winawalis and mga abo na galing sa sigarilyo na madalas tangayin lang ng hangin. Ang tanging laman ng dustpan ko ay ang upos ng Marlboro, Winston at mangilan-ngilang Phillip na ni-yosi ng kung hindi guwardya ay mga nag daraang Construction Workers sa kalapit na ginagawang gusali. Hindi pa kita nakikita simula kanina, marahil nakaligtaan mo na "break" mo na pala o maaaring wala kang dalang yosi. Hindi ko talaga alam... Ayos lang, sigurado naman bababa ka sa oras ng iyong pagkain. Nakakatawa dahil pareho tayo ng buhay, baliktad, habang ang lahat ng tao ay natutulog o namamahinga, heto tayong pareho kumakayod para sa mga sarili nating dahilan. Ang pinagkaiba lang, mas malaki sigurado and sinasahod mo kumpara sa kakarampot na naiuuwi ko... Dumaan pa ang ilang oras subalit ni anino mo'y hindi ko nasulya...

"Fairytales were written not to prove that dragons exist, but to show that they can be beaten"... It's a line from a Neil Gaiman book that I've read in the past, the title of the book I can no longer recall (I'm betting on The Sandman though). You see, stories are forever, they get passed on from one generation to the next, probably as a bedtime story, a story to scare kids to eat their greens or probably a story you tell your friends while having dinner or lunch or something. The possibilities are endless! The point being is that stories never die. They may change a bit, or get altered or details may be added or omitted but in the end, the essence remain the same. Stories, like humans however leave only a mark once read. A story not read is like an entity who died without even seeing the light of dawn. Stories are meant to be read. It's a passport or an aeroplane, a bus or a cab, but unlike these things, stories will take you to worlds unknown, unexplored, un...

Saturday, if my memory serves me well, probably around midday, the heat was just over the top, obnoxious if I may add, that even if I stayed awake for nine straight hours the previous night, I can't help but swear and go down from my room to the den and try to get a little more sleep, it's Saturday after all and we all deserve a little pampering if not sleeping. It was an unusual Saturday morning and one thing I noticed while slowly descending the wooden stairs that goes *creak-creak* everytime your foot leans on its "God-knows-how-old" steps, was the unusual silence, normally at this time of the day, Ma watches an equally obnoxious noon time show that parades scantily dressed dancers with dark underarms, probably smelly too, perky male hosts, even more perkier female hosts an over aged gorilla and the three stooges (would you believe one of them even became a Senator?). Enough of the trivialities, as I was saying, the house was empty as a church in Basilan, I went st...