Suicidal Thoughts Of A "WOULD-BE-DEAD"

Bored to death, as I sit there listening to Gorke's pathetic jokes and Rey's forced laugh, obviously trying to be courteous. We will have to fight our way through eight hours of "forced" training, not even understanding a thing. The door beeped, the handle creaked and turned and a blast of warm air filled the room temporarily. You were wearing this yellow top that looks like a kid's dress matched with a black tight fitting pants and sandals. It was just perfect. It was something beyond me that really, I cannot describe it. It's like seeing a girl from a lucid dream, a girl I used to know, used to talk to, used to kid with and used to care about. As I sit there waiting for 5AM, as I sit there tapping the keys of my keyboard, as I slowly drift and escape reality thru sleep, I think of your yellow dress, and your black pants, and your sandals. It's like dreaming with my eyes wide open.

Patawarin mo ako... Hindi ko naman sinadyang mahulog; at hindi mo rin naman ako masisisi. Hindi na rin ako aasa pa, para sa'n pa nga ba 'di ba? Hindi mo rin naman alam Hindi rin naman ako masasaktan ...Na mababaw lang naman talaga akong tao ...Na nais ko lang naman ay ang kaunting atensyon mo ...Na kahit nag ngingitian tayo... Na wala lang 'to sayo Aasa na mawala Aasa na mawawala Aasa sa wala...

The tangy smell of metal as I open my locker door greeted me. I wasn't really gonna open it but Gorke asked me if someone texted him on my number; the fucking bastard is a ladies man. You caught me by surprise and I just can't hide the smile on my face as it beamed while opening your message. Short, simple but deadly. You really know how to tickle a man's fancy. It's been what, a week or a month since the last time we've seen each other? Was it when we went to Anilao? I forget... Your polka dot hanky comfortably sits infront on my 22" LCD Monitor. Every bullet I fire from my hunting rifle, every shot I take in NBA 2k9, every car I steal in GTA IV slowly drifts my mind away from you. Just when I was starting to forget your smile, just when I was starting to lose you... This... "Wala lang, naalala lang din kita..."

Sunday, September 27, 2009 If I were to describe this day by using just a word, no contest it would be "WET". One month's worth of rainfall poured in in just nine hours. We're lucky the flood water reached only up to our ankles and ruined not a single appliance in our household. I just feel bad seeing all these people lose their investments and worse their own lives. So what am I to do on a wet Sunday morning aside from playing with my willy? I switched on my TV and watched Kerygma. (And I know I don't look like I'm the type of guy who watches these kind of shows on a Sunday morning but believe me, I am.) Nothing special, Bro. Bo, with his usual deep, thunder-like voice in a very persuasive way gave lectures. It was about dealing with problems and why problems exist. According to him, 90% of the time, if we pray to God, God will help us solve our problems. He will protect us and lead us not astray. The remaining 10% we solve by ourselves to teach us how to d...

Ani ohevet ota I've enjoyed every second from the time you hop in 'til the time you hop out. I will forever cherish the bland humor and the pseudo-connection; indeed, it was well played. It was an epic story of love best left unread and untold. A story of sacrifice and deceit not really worth the effort. Ik hou van jou Nevertheless it was worth an hour or two of my time, it's not like my time is "gold" or anything; every smile counted, every bitter remark scored. You were keeping your own board where scores were tallied. Several names were there, I just hope mine's not... Ich liebe dich I must admit, I got carried away. I was hanging on a thread, I almost fell. Who could blame me though? It was a rule, it was the trend, no one can escape it. Everyone did and I'm not an exception. You were the only exception, heart of stone. Cold as steel... Iniibig kita You know I'm different, I always tell you that, I don't know, I feel like I am a cut above the ...

M ake me believe it's real... With your so comforting voice, convince me of the things I can't believe in. Your voice is a religion, I just can't say no. A king's command, no one can break... A nswer my every query... I'm no expert. I'm naive and gullible. Mold me; tell me of fairies and fantasies and pull me back to reality. Your every advice is gravity pulling me down, a pail of water washing my drowsiness away. R oll your eyes and smile He was right. " It's your smile" really... Match it with those Bambi eyes and not even Hades can resist your charm. No one can. It's a fusion of all the fairytales, of all the colors, of light and dark. A masterpiece by Da Vinci...Twelve years in the making... I n the end... I'd always look forward to our 15 minute conversations, I'd always tell you what's "new", I'd tell you more of myself because I know that you're listening. that you indeed care. I'm here, I will listen ...

5:45AM (I call this part "One") Mixed emotions, I was excited, anxious, nervous, happy, tense, you name it! The whole "She-bang!" It was drizzling outside, dark clouds were hovering the sky, no thanks to typhoon Maring. I was texting Ate Mercy from SunBloom resort (and NO the sun wasn't BLOOMING at all), I was asking her if boats can cross the sea going to Potipot island, I can't get a definite answer, I don't know if she's stupid or just playing dumb, my questions were in Filipino though. My phone was constantly vibrating, Gretch was bugging me every hour asking what the plan is, I told her time and again to chill-out and that we'd pick her up at exactly 7PM. I was afraid to tell her that there were no plans. Earl called me, she called Ate Mercy he said, it was raining in Zambales, no boats can cross, Botolan is flooded, we don't know where the hell is Camiling and we should think of another plan. Anilao I said, that was the original plan an...