Suicidal Thoughts Of A "WOULD-BE-DEAD"

JP Morgan Sr once told a jeweler of his acquaintance that he was interested in having a pearl scarf-pin. Just a few weeks later, the jeweler happened upon a magnificent pearl. He had it mounted in an appropriate setting and sent it to Morgan, together with a bill for 5,000USD. The following day the package was returned. Morgan's accompanying note read: "I like the pin, but I don't like the price. If you will accept the enclosed check for 4000USD, please send back the box with the seal unbroken." The enraged jeweler refused the check and dismissed the messenger in disgust. He opened up the box to reclaim the unwanted pin, only to find that it had been removed. In its place was a check for 5000USD -The Little Brown Book of Anecdote

Bored to death, as I sit there listening to Gorke's pathetic jokes and Rey's forced laugh, obviously trying to be courteous. We will have to fight our way through eight hours of "forced" training, not even understanding a thing. The door beeped, the handle creaked and turned and a blast of warm air filled the room temporarily. You were wearing this yellow top that looks like a kid's dress matched with a black tight fitting pants and sandals. It was just perfect. It was something beyond me that really, I cannot describe it. It's like seeing a girl from a lucid dream, a girl I used to know, used to talk to, used to kid with and used to care about. As I sit there waiting for 5AM, as I sit there tapping the keys of my keyboard, as I slowly drift and escape reality thru sleep, I think of your yellow dress, and your black pants, and your sandals. It's like dreaming with my eyes wide open.

Patawarin mo ako... Hindi ko naman sinadyang mahulog; at hindi mo rin naman ako masisisi. Hindi na rin ako aasa pa, para sa'n pa nga ba 'di ba? Hindi mo rin naman alam Hindi rin naman ako masasaktan ...Na mababaw lang naman talaga akong tao ...Na nais ko lang naman ay ang kaunting atensyon mo ...Na kahit nag ngingitian tayo... Na wala lang 'to sayo Aasa na mawala Aasa na mawawala Aasa sa wala...

The tangy smell of metal as I open my locker door greeted me. I wasn't really gonna open it but Gorke asked me if someone texted him on my number; the fucking bastard is a ladies man. You caught me by surprise and I just can't hide the smile on my face as it beamed while opening your message. Short, simple but deadly. You really know how to tickle a man's fancy. It's been what, a week or a month since the last time we've seen each other? Was it when we went to Anilao? I forget... Your polka dot hanky comfortably sits infront on my 22" LCD Monitor. Every bullet I fire from my hunting rifle, every shot I take in NBA 2k9, every car I steal in GTA IV slowly drifts my mind away from you. Just when I was starting to forget your smile, just when I was starting to lose you... This... "Wala lang, naalala lang din kita..."

Sunday, September 27, 2009 If I were to describe this day by using just a word, no contest it would be "WET". One month's worth of rainfall poured in in just nine hours. We're lucky the flood water reached only up to our ankles and ruined not a single appliance in our household. I just feel bad seeing all these people lose their investments and worse their own lives. So what am I to do on a wet Sunday morning aside from playing with my willy? I switched on my TV and watched Kerygma. (And I know I don't look like I'm the type of guy who watches these kind of shows on a Sunday morning but believe me, I am.) Nothing special, Bro. Bo, with his usual deep, thunder-like voice in a very persuasive way gave lectures. It was about dealing with problems and why problems exist. According to him, 90% of the time, if we pray to God, God will help us solve our problems. He will protect us and lead us not astray. The remaining 10% we solve by ourselves to teach us how to d

Ani ohevet ota I've enjoyed every second from the time you hop in 'til the time you hop out. I will forever cherish the bland humor and the pseudo-connection; indeed, it was well played. It was an epic story of love best left unread and untold. A story of sacrifice and deceit not really worth the effort. Ik hou van jou Nevertheless it was worth an hour or two of my time, it's not like my time is "gold" or anything; every smile counted, every bitter remark scored. You were keeping your own board where scores were tallied. Several names were there, I just hope mine's not... Ich liebe dich I must admit, I got carried away. I was hanging on a thread, I almost fell. Who could blame me though? It was a rule, it was the trend, no one can escape it. Everyone did and I'm not an exception. You were the only exception, heart of stone. Cold as steel... Iniibig kita You know I'm different, I always tell you that, I don't know, I feel like I am a cut above the

M ake me believe it's real... With your so comforting voice, convince me of the things I can't believe in. Your voice is a religion, I just can't say no. A king's command, no one can break... A nswer my every query... I'm no expert. I'm naive and gullible. Mold me; tell me of fairies and fantasies and pull me back to reality. Your every advice is gravity pulling me down, a pail of water washing my drowsiness away. R oll your eyes and smile He was right. " It's your smile" really... Match it with those Bambi eyes and not even Hades can resist your charm. No one can. It's a fusion of all the fairytales, of all the colors, of light and dark. A masterpiece by Da Vinci...Twelve years in the making... I n the end... I'd always look forward to our 15 minute conversations, I'd always tell you what's "new", I'd tell you more of myself because I know that you're listening. that you indeed care. I'm here, I will listen

5:45AM (I call this part "One") Mixed emotions, I was excited, anxious, nervous, happy, tense, you name it! The whole "She-bang!" It was drizzling outside, dark clouds were hovering the sky, no thanks to typhoon Maring. I was texting Ate Mercy from SunBloom resort (and NO the sun wasn't BLOOMING at all), I was asking her if boats can cross the sea going to Potipot island, I can't get a definite answer, I don't know if she's stupid or just playing dumb, my questions were in Filipino though. My phone was constantly vibrating, Gretch was bugging me every hour asking what the plan is, I told her time and again to chill-out and that we'd pick her up at exactly 7PM. I was afraid to tell her that there were no plans. Earl called me, she called Ate Mercy he said, it was raining in Zambales, no boats can cross, Botolan is flooded, we don't know where the hell is Camiling and we should think of another plan. Anilao I said, that was the original plan an

I know You... If text messages are like envelopes flying, zooming, bumping into each other to reach their recipient/s, then the sky would be filled with millions of buzzing, "emotion-filled" envelopes, blocking the sun, shadows constantly passing like wraiths or valkyries or angels... Like... I wonder what these envelopes would look like, what their colors would be, what emotions they would carry. Will a red envelope mean the sender is angry? disgusted? full of angst? Perhaps a green one will mean the sender is jealous or horny. Yellow perhaps means scared or happy. The Back... Will the sender receive an envelope of the same color? I wonder if they really meant what they said after they press the "send" button. Are these senders just begging for attention? Longing to be remembered, comforted, liked? cherished? I wonder if they'll get what they hoped for, get the results that they're praying for, the envelope that they need, want and like... Of My Hand... As

Sometimes we even finish... Nakakalungkot isipin na parang hanging dumaan lamang ang naging relasyon natin. Tila ba ilang dekada na ang nakaraan nang huling hawakan ko ang iyong kamay na may bahid ng pagmamahal. Naisang tabi na nga ba ang mga pinagsamahan na noo'y maliligayang ala-ala subalit ngayo'y ikinahon at pinagpatong-patong at ibinalandra sa pinaka maruming sulok ng ating mga gunita. Naaalala ko pa ang una nating pagkikita, hindi ako makababa sa sasakyan sa matinding kaba na baka madismaya ka, iyon din pala ang iyong nadarama. Malaki ang naging tulong ng teknolohiya sa pag kukrus ng ating mga landas. Marahil mababaw, naging malalim naman ang pundasyon ng ating relasyon. Sino nga ba ang mag aakala na tatlong taon din ang itatagal ng ating pagsasama. Marahil maiksi subalit nawa'y naging makabukuhan sa'yo at napasaya kita kahit papaano Hindi ko na rin naman hinahanap ang lambing at yakap mo, 'di gaya ng dati na sa gabi ay yakap at hinahagkan ang unan ko, umaasan

Wilson: "You can be a real jerk sometimes, you know that?" House: "Yeah. And you're the good guy." Wilson: "At least I try." House: "As long as you're trying to be good, you can do whatever you want." Wilson: "And as long as you're not trying, you can say whatever you want." House: "So between us, we can do anything. We can rule the world!"

WILSON:"House, will you stop acting like a six year old and start facing your problem like most adults do..." Honestly, as if I give a damn! My life is my own business, you have your life so mind your own. And here's the thing, the main reason why you keep on dragging your ass over to my house is because of WHO I AM and WHAT I DO so why whould I change it? Not unless I want to lose the only man that I love/d except for my dad. I know I'm an ass with a capital "A" and I also know that you dig it, in fact, you love it. And do you know the reason why? It's because you see me in you, you see me as what's lacking in you, you try to learn the trade, you try to master the craft and yes, you can imitate me, you can learn the accent and the punchlines and everything but you will be nothing but a second-rate me. A junior "ME" so to speak, but that's who you are, as I've said you're like water, you get the shape of your container and I am

CLOUDS;Sunday; August 2, 2009; Around 3AM You don't want to read this story, honestly, you may want to just update your Facebook or check your mail or watch YouTube or something. This story is full of crap, oodles of it. So while you still have the time, go to google and just search for you name, or your crush's name of whoever, just stay away from this blog. Truth told, why would you be interested in my life? In the events that occured last August second? I'm telling you now, nothing special really... Nothing that would tickle your fancy... Nothing worth mentioning... Just the time of my life... So there I was, at the back, right side of my bloody bestfriend's SUV, window open, a stick of Marlboro Lights dangling, embers being carried away by the wind like a shooting star. We were going down at a steady rate of 80kph, maybe less, and the cool breeze of Antipolo was slowly taking away the pain, the doubts, the worries and the heartaches and it leaves no trail. I sort of

Heto na naman ako, isa na namang maalikabok na gabi kung saan iniikot ko ang paligid ng gusali, naghahanap ng mga bagay na hindi naman talaga dapat hinahanap. Pilit ko paring winawalis and mga abo na galing sa sigarilyo na madalas tangayin lang ng hangin. Ang tanging laman ng dustpan ko ay ang upos ng Marlboro, Winston at mangilan-ngilang Phillip na ni-yosi ng kung hindi guwardya ay mga nag daraang Construction Workers sa kalapit na ginagawang gusali. Hindi pa kita nakikita simula kanina, marahil nakaligtaan mo na "break" mo na pala o maaaring wala kang dalang yosi. Hindi ko talaga alam... Ayos lang, sigurado naman bababa ka sa oras ng iyong pagkain. Nakakatawa dahil pareho tayo ng buhay, baliktad, habang ang lahat ng tao ay natutulog o namamahinga, heto tayong pareho kumakayod para sa mga sarili nating dahilan. Ang pinagkaiba lang, mas malaki sigurado and sinasahod mo kumpara sa kakarampot na naiuuwi ko... Dumaan pa ang ilang oras subalit ni anino mo'y hindi ko nasulya

"Fairytales were written not to prove that dragons exist, but to show that they can be beaten"... It's a line from a Neil Gaiman book that I've read in the past, the title of the book I can no longer recall (I'm betting on The Sandman though). You see, stories are forever, they get passed on from one generation to the next, probably as a bedtime story, a story to scare kids to eat their greens or probably a story you tell your friends while having dinner or lunch or something. The possibilities are endless! The point being is that stories never die. They may change a bit, or get altered or details may be added or omitted but in the end, the essence remain the same. Stories, like humans however leave only a mark once read. A story not read is like an entity who died without even seeing the light of dawn. Stories are meant to be read. It's a passport or an aeroplane, a bus or a cab, but unlike these things, stories will take you to worlds unknown, unexplored, un

Saturday, if my memory serves me well, probably around midday, the heat was just over the top, obnoxious if I may add, that even if I stayed awake for nine straight hours the previous night, I can't help but swear and go down from my room to the den and try to get a little more sleep, it's Saturday after all and we all deserve a little pampering if not sleeping. It was an unusual Saturday morning and one thing I noticed while slowly descending the wooden stairs that goes *creak-creak* everytime your foot leans on its "God-knows-how-old" steps, was the unusual silence, normally at this time of the day, Ma watches an equally obnoxious noon time show that parades scantily dressed dancers with dark underarms, probably smelly too, perky male hosts, even more perkier female hosts an over aged gorilla and the three stooges (would you believe one of them even became a Senator?). Enough of the trivialities, as I was saying, the house was empty as a church in Basilan, I went st

Let me express my G RATITUDE... ...for coming into my rather boring and "so-so" life, for splashing it with unfathomable neon colors; colors you only see in your dream, unicorn white, elvish green, octopus puple and such. In your hand you hold a magical brush that leaves a scent of green apples and warm familiar smiles Give me a R EASON to believe... ...believe that everything that I feel is nothing but a residue of an imagined love; of a feeling gone astray, uncontrolled and totally accidental. That everything will be OK. E LATE my soul... ...with that oh so loving smile... Reassuring... Numb my pain and lull me to sleep... Let T IME tell... ...Of the times we spent together, of the laughters we shared, secrets we whispered, Sweet nothings, terms of endearment and even our regrets and failures... Let time heal the wounds, forget the sorrow but never forget the words uttered...Words that meant nothing to you but took me hours to say... C RASH and burn... When I hold you

Gabi na naman, iniisip kung ika'y ligtas Relo'y tinititigan, segundo'y binibilang Ewan ko ba, mahal nga ba kita? Tintiis ko lang nga ba ang nadarama? "Chong, kalimutan mo na s'ya", banggit ng konsensya... Hindi talaga alam kung kakayanin ko ba. Ewan, baka talagang ganito na lang... Ninanais na kaligayahan, wala talagang patutunguhan

Muli nakita ko na naman ang larawan mo, maniwala ka man o hindi, hindi ko sadyang buksan 'to. tila ang mga daliri ay kusang pinindot ang keypad na dahan-dahang dinala ako sa folder kung saan ko tinatago ang dalawang ala-ala mo. Ano nga kayang nakita ko sa'yo? Kung iisipin, mas maraming babaeng 'di hamak na mas marikit at mas mahinhin kaysa sa 'yo. Hindi naman sa pinupulaan kita, na 'tanong ko lang dahil kahit ako'y nahihiwagaan din sa mga nangyayaring ito... Nakakatawa 'no? hindi ko rin naman na isip na ligawan ka, marahil matawa ka lang at masaktan lang ako na ayaw natin pareho. Ayos na rin sa akin na ganito na lang tayo, masaya ka, masaya ako, at nagkakasundo tayo. Isipin mo, tiyak na maraming tao rin ang masasaktan kung sakaling matutuloy na magkatuluyan tayo. Subalit hindi rin naman mangyayari ang mga bagay na 'to kaya bakit ba pinagtutuunan ko pa ng pansin and mga maliliit na detalye sa malaking buhay natin na 'to? Nakakatawa 'no? Aminin m